Friday, August 10th, 2007...8:18 pm
Things That I Do Not Understand.
Why the helpful soul at my office who buys a can of spray air freshener for each of the four stalls in the women’s restroom can’t buy them all the same flavor. It smells like a three-year-old who got into her cheap whore mamma’s perfume stash.
Why the fashion industry wants women to look like pregnant toddlers. Seriously. Everything has an empire waist, puffy sleeves, or both. I would like some grown up clothes, please, ones with some actual shaping and sleeves that do not draw unwanted attention to my arm fat.
Why the shoe industry persists in making sandals that are all fucking shiny and slippery inside, when people wear sandals in the SUMMER when it’s 100 DEGREES OUTSIDE. I cannot count the number of toe blisters from the sliding. I pretty much wear my flip flops whenever I can get away with it. Which is almost every day, because no one at my office pays attention.
Why the fuck it went from almost pleasant weather (still a little warm, but tolerable) to 100 and sunny for the next six years. Granted, the not-raining part is good, since my convertible top leaks like a sieve and I end up with Lake Chevrolet on the floorboards after a rainstorm. I did actually figure out where the leak is, but since it hasn’t been raining, I have not been motivated to go ask the employees at AutoZone if it’s ok to use super glue on the rubber window seals. Anyone know? And don’t say “go take it to the shop” because (a) they will find a way to make it NOT covered under the warranty and (b) anytime you take it to have something done cosmetically, they have the car for two weeks. Fuck that. If the piece of shit wasn’t almost paid for, I’d probably have a new one. I may anyway.
Why we need to have a size-acceptance movement when fat people are in the majority.
Why we need a women’s movement when women are in the majority.
Why I can’t win the goddamn lottery so I can quit my job and write an advice column and travel around to music festivals when I feel like it in a car that doesn’t turn into a portable reservoir when it rains.
Why my cat knows what time I’m supposed to get up, even when I kind of pass out with a book open, the light on, and the alarm clock not set.
Why Wordpress always fucks up my formatting when I cut & paste from Word. Maybe it’s just that Word blows a fat donkey from Tijuana. (And that spelling looks wrong, but MS Word says it’s A-OK!) I think I’ll blame it on that.
Why it’s not fucking 5:30 yet.
I have also decided that it is time to reinstitute my “three extra fields” from Diaryland. Because otherwise, how boring! So:
My New Favorite Song: “The Story” – Brandi Carlile
Today’s Time Waster: LOLCATS!
What I’m Craving: Something with alcohol.
9 Comments
August 10th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
I hate the formatting crap. If I do it from word or wordpad, half time it still ends up all wonky and spaced wrong. And I don’t understand why I haven’t won the lottery yet, either, so I can become the lady of leisure I was meant to be.
August 10th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
I love it!! You crack me up. I love the bathroom stall one. Isn’t that the truth? It must smell horrid in there.
August 10th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Something with alcohol, you say? I’m about ready to fix an Absolut Pears w/Sprite if you’d like one. And I don’t understand the empire waist thing either. You have to be a twig with no chest to wear those things and even waifs STILL end up looking pregnant.
August 11th, 2007 at 12:06 am
Except for the first two entries on WordPress, I haven’t had any trouble with the spacing or anything. Click over to the coding part. You can fix them pretty easily.
And forget about sandals. I just looked for them and they’re all for people with skinny feet (mine are like triple wide) and they’re all slippery and have those stupid tiny strappy things. My sandals that I love were from my sister in Fla. I call them lesbian sandals. They’re fat, squatty looking, thick sole, wide straps and extremely comfortable and no slipping….ever.
August 11th, 2007 at 2:20 am
I am SO in love with LOLCATS… and I’m not even a cat person. It’s the first blog I read every day.
And I am glad to have had the opportunity to read yours today, as well!
August 11th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Permatex Ultra Black Hi-Temp RTV Silicone Gasket Maker… the salvation of leaky Miatas. find some cheap exam gloves, and use your fingers. that crap works, but it’s the equivalent of the old adage: “if you eat something with mustard, and you think you have some on you… you have some on you.”
August 11th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Why is it that *I* am always the exception to the rule? I LOVE empire-style clothes!!! They nicely frame my surgically-enhanced-and-slowly-reencapsulating-boobjob while disguising the mid-back-fat of middle age!! I’m with you on the sandal thing though. I have the most difficult feet ever: small in length, wide in width, high arch and high instep, ingrowing toenails. Much like the boobjob, they only LOOK good. Humph.
August 13th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
You never fail to make me laugh my tits off. Excellent. And yes, why do we have to have size acceptance when big people are in the majority. I think I’m going to start my own “zero tolerance” on anyone smaller than a size 16!!!!
August 14th, 2007 at 1:21 am
File - Save As - Plain Text
Name file
The little box pops open…Check “MS-DOS” and “Allow Character Substitution”
Then open the entry in Wordpad and paste it into the little Wordpress entry box.
And, yes…I said the word entry twice and box once in the same sentence.
Want a cake?
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