Thursday, September 20th, 2007...6:08 pm
Comes with your choice of three tasty dipping sauces!
Reading an article like this makes my imagination go a little crazy. It sounds like something out of a Dean Koontz* novel, where a Mysterious Supernatural Event occurs, but really, it’s the work of some kind of fucked-up top secret government organization testing some wacky new method of warfare and/or mind control so that they can take over the planet, muahahaha. In those books, there’s always some kind of confrontation between the Weird Looking But Strangely Attractive Guy with his Beautiful and Also Smart Woman and perhaps A Canine Friend and/or A Mentally Disturbed Sibling and the forces of darkness. The confrontation always occurs in some isolated area, and when the news reporters try to Get the Scoop, they immediately become Part of the Crisis and Everything is a Big Cover Up until the inevitable triumph of good over evil.
*Stephen King has also written some similar stories. Probably some other authors as well, but the rest of my junk food reading is Harry Potter, legal thrillers, and occasionally fondly remembered childhood classics, so I cannot name any further names.
Anyway, my point is, hearing about some mysterious meteorite crashing into a remote village that the VILLAGERS didn’t think was a meteorite and then everyone getting some violent, life-threatening illness which will cause them all to die and leave radioactive corpses that the invaders from another planet will then come and feast upon while planting their demonic seeds to ensure that the subsequent generation will devour the world (okay, maybe I made that last part up) – kind of creeps me out.
Of course, if aliens from another planet took over, I wouldn’t have to read any more e-mails from Ms. Whiny about the 97 things she needs me to do…things that, in the time it took her to type the fucking e-mail and will take her to bitch at me for not reading her mind about EXACTLY WHAT SHE NEEDS…she could have done herself.
I should hang up a sign that says “WELCOME VISITORS”, kinda like Chef did in South Park. But wait. That led to an anal probe. Maybe I’ll just get some earplugs to tune out Ms. Whiny…
…until a meteorite crashes into the building and the entire city becomes infested with a devouring plague and aliens eat our corpses.
12 Comments
September 20th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
You know, I think that’s how the giant spiders will invade.
September 20th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
I’d make the Beautiful Woman mentally disturbed. heh heh heh. Make her want to go buy shoes while the aliens were doing an anal probe on her boyfriend Chuck. Naturally it would end up on You Tube and then they’d get their own reality show. We should do a book together Loopy.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
You know, my one mortal fear is of aliens. Scares the hell out of me. So if aliens are in Peru, I swear to God I’ll move as far as from Peru as possible.
I love that you and I share the same knowledge of Dean Koontz’ formula. The one thing you forgot about is the the odd looking but strangely attractive man and the strong woman in danger usually have time to have sex at least once before the supernatural baddies come and try to eat their dog.
Silly man.
He got hair plugs that also look quite silly.
September 21st, 2007 at 3:03 am
Holy shit, maybe the Scientologists were right all along! Time to stockpile bottled water. And bullets. And butt plugs. I’m just sayin’.
September 21st, 2007 at 3:49 am
aliens? fuck those guys. they can eat me.
September 21st, 2007 at 3:52 pm
That really isn’t the kicker. The kicker is that elsewhere in South America shortly after the meteor hit, a dead man woke up during an autopsy.
I’m _positive_ the two aren’t related at all…
September 21st, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Also, link:
Dead man wakes up during autopsy.
September 25th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
I hate people who behave as Ms. Whiny does and spend more time avoiding work than it would take to the damn work in the first place. I’m surrounded by them.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Kathleen, I gave birth to two of them. Whiners, not aliens.
September 29th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
warcrygirl - Yeah, but they’re kids and we all whined as kids…it’s when they’re adults in the working world that they need to be slapped.
September 30th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Do you have ANY idea how much I enjoy your snark cannon? DO YOU? and yet , and YET, you continue to deny me a notify subscription so that I can actually KNOW WHEN YOU UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!! DOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough* sorry … excuse me while I self-medicate a moment …
January 7th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
very interesting.
i’m adding in RSS Reader
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